Although Cameron McKinney was raised Catholic, he and his wife Beth were civilly married outside the Catholic Church.
Beth had been raised Baptist and felt certain the Catholic faith would not play a part in their lives.
The McKinneys had met at their hometown public library and had dated for six years before becoming engaged.
After their civil marriage, they felt “a bit lost spiritually.” Their relationship was “marked by restlessness and discontentment, despite a deep love.”
Unable to find a church they liked in the Protestant community, they attended a few Catholic Masses.
Beth was drawn in by the liturgy and beauty of the Mass, as well as the beauty of the physical church.
She wondered what exactly she had been saying “no” to all those years. Cameron, too, had felt that they were missing something at the Protestant churches they attended, but had not considered Catholicism as a possibility.
Finding a spiritual home
The couple decided to meet with a parish priest to go through Beth’s questions and objections.
Soon after, Beth participated in RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) in preparation to be received into full communion with the Catholic Church.
After about six months of diving deep into the faith, they got to the heart of Beth’s questions and Cameron experienced a renewal in his Catholic faith.
They both knew they had found a spiritual home in the Catholic Church.
Although Beth worried the decision to become Catholic would drive a wedge between her family and herself, she had several fruitful conversations with her family that alleviated her fears.
Validating their union
During this time of conversion, Beth and Cameron realized that because they had married outside of the Catholic Church, their civil union was lacking the sacred bond of marriage and the sacramental graces that come with it.
So, they met with their parish priest to pursue validating their civil union in the Catholic Church.
“We both very much wanted to make our marriage sacramental. We had never had a very difficult marriage, but our marriage wasn’t marked by anything notably holy. We were so energized by the Catholic Church’s beautiful path to holiness living out our marriage as not just a commitment between two people in love, but a true vocation, working together to do God’s work and get each other to Heaven.”
For marriage preparation, the McKinneys met with their parish priest for about six months to have in-depth discussions about the faith and relevant marriage topics.
They also read Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West and learned St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.
“Learning the Church’s understanding of God’s plan for marriage and seeing how our marriage reflects the Holy Trinity gave new depth to our relationship and how we viewed our marriage. Also that preparation time of meeting with the priest and studying the faith really set up a foundation for our sacramental marriage of continuing to study Church teachings, asking hard questions, and seeking the answers from priests and the saints.”
On August 10, 2013, Beth and Cameron joyfully entered a sacramental marriage.
“The day of the validation was so special for both of us; we invited some close friends and family to join us, and it was held in this beautiful old Catholic Church. The part that really stands out to me was when the priest had us remove our rings to be blessed, and then we put them back on; that felt so symbolic of the entire marriage validation. They were the same rings but they were now holy and transformed.”
Now, the couple are parishioners at Blessed Sacrament Church in Madison, and Beth homeschools their four children, Lawrence, Catherine, Henry, and Charles.
Beth and Cameron would “100 percent encourage other civilly married couples to seek sacramental marriage.”
Looking back on the time surrounding their validation, the couple can see how their “abandonment to God’s will and letting go of our expectations and goals for what our life should look like really opened the door to an outpouring of grace that we still feel the ripples of today.”
More information
If you have been married outside the Catholic Church and want to embrace the beauty and joy of a sacramental marriage but have questions, contact Amy Klarkowski, coordinator of the Civil Marriage Initiative for the Diocese of Madison at [email protected] or 608-821-3068.
Steps for Validation
*Only if at least one of the spouses is Catholic at the time of the civil union
- Approach your
pastor and tell him that you are civilly married. - Present your civil marriage license.
- Undergo some form of prenuptial preparation.
- Exchange vows in the Catholic Church’s normal marriage rite. The ceremony need not be celebrated with the pomp that usually accompanies a marriage (e.g. the wedding dress, the flowers, the reception), but it can include these things as well.
Sylvia Patterson is an intern with the Catholic Herald.