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| Ask IPS |
QUESTION: “My daughter has just started her first year of college. I want to give her space, but also to be supportive if she needs me. What’s the best way for a parent to strike that balance with a young adult?”
RESPONSE: William McKenna, M.S., Clinical Extern at the IPS Center for Psychological Services
Transition within our lives can be difficult, and when those transitions involve our children, it can become even more demanding.
Q My mother just moved into a lovely condominium. It is not designated as an “over 55 community,” however many older adults live there.
Lately, my mother has been telling me about some instances when she hears the doorbell ring very late at night or very early in the morning.
She is careful not to get up, is vigilant about making sure the door is locked, and has a home security system sign posted by the front door. There is no evidence that someone is trying to break in or that anything is disturbed.
She has not notified anyone and insists she is fine. I don’t want to doubt her, but is this a cry for attention? I find it difficult to believe that anyone would just ring someone’s doorbell and take off.
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| Ask IPS |
QUESTION: “I had an abortion some years ago. While I’ve been to therapy and looked to Project Rachel* for help, with all of the media hype about Planned Parenthood I’ve been having nightmares, flashbacks, and I’m just angry all the time. Will I ever find healing?”
RESPONSE: William McKenna, M.S., Clinical Extern at the IPS Center for Psychological Services
Q As a follow-up to your column last month, I am a long distance caregiver as well.
Although my mother tells me repeatedly that she is doing well, I need some specific things to look for when I visit her later this month.
What should I notice to give me a better idea for how well she is caring for herself? (From a daughter in Beloit)
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Q My mother lives in a small community in northern Wisconsin. My dad died a few months ago and since his passing the children (three daughters) have noticed how much he did for mom.
We collectively have noticed some forgetfulness, lack of attention to housekeeping, and poor nutrition.
We all live in different communities. My oldest sister is the closest, about a one hour drive; my youngest sister is the farthest, a six hour drive; and I am in the middle, about four hours away. My older sister feels that in order to keep mom home where she wants to stay, we should each spend one week each month with her.
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| Ask IPS |
Question: “I’m currently going through a separation with my spouse and I’m concerned about my children. How could the separation affect them?”
Response: William McKenna, M.S., Clinical Extern at the IPS Center for Psychological Services
Q I am writing because I don’t know what to do about my brother.
He is in his 50s and lives with our mom who is well into her 70s. He is completely dependent on her for financial help.”Doug” has never been able to hold a job longer than a few months. He drinks heavily so I am not surprised that he can’t keep a job.
My mom feels sorry for him and states that he was never the same after he returned from military duty.
The issue is that if, or when, something happens to mom and she can no longer support him, I am not willing to pick up where she left off. I believe he is more capable than she thinks and I don’t want to become the next enabler.
Q My mother insists on living in the home she and dad shared for the past 50 years. Dad passed away about eight years ago.
The issue is the “homestead” — a farm that is over 100 years old.
The house is in desperate need of repair but that is only one issue.
Q After much debate and even some coercing, my mother who is in her late 70s moved to a senior apartment complex.
We were all so relieved. We thought that she would be happy, make new friends, have more opportunities for social connections, and in general be able to relax and enjoy things without the stress of home ownership and all of the upkeep.
I think we may have made a huge mistake.
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| Ask IPS |
Question: “How can I take responsibility for my own sinful actions, while still recognizing the mercy and love of God?”
Response: William McKenna, M.S., Clinical Extern at the IPS Center for Psychological Services
