Tag: Jean Mueller

On
Jean Mueller

Resource centers can help seniors in need

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: My mother, living in a northern community, really needs some in-home help. She struggles with making meals, no longer drives, and has problems getting in the bathtub, among other things. Wouldn’t Medicare help her pay for some of these services — to keep her out of a nursing home? It would seem like money well spent in my mind. (From a daughter in Blue Mounds).
Read More
On
Jean Mueller

Family caregiving: The division of labor

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: This question may have been raised before, but I need to ask again. We are a family of four brothers all helping our 90-year-old mother and developmentally delayed sister. We had to place our mother in a nursing home a year ago due to physical issues. One brother lives out of state so we keep him updated by phone and naturally don’t expect any physical help from him. The rest of us live near each other and share the responsibilities, with the exception of one brother. We ask him to do a very specific task and he can never seem to follow through. There is always some kind of lame excuse. Sometimes I think he does this on purpose to get out of helping. This is getting very old. Do you have any suggestions? (A son in Barneveld).

Read More
On
Jean Mueller

Is incontinence normal with age?

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: This is a very hard question to ask, but here goes. I have been helping my mom for the past couple of years. So far it has been house cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping — that kind of help. Lately I have noticed a strong smell of urine on her. I also notice it when I do her laundry and I think she is having problems with incontinence. I asked her if she had problems getting to the bathroom on time and she shrugged it off saying, “You have to expect that kind of thing when you are my age.” She is in pretty decent health for her age (86) so I don’t want to push this, but is it normal to lose some bladder control as you age? (From a daughter in Lodi).

Read More
On
Jean Mueller

Keeping the conversation ‘upbeat’

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: A recent visit to a relative in a nursing home left me feeling very frustrated. My mother-in-law only wanted to complain about everything. This included everything from “I’m sure I have cancer,” to “my roommate leaves her television on all day,” and ending with “I think that infection is coming back.” You get the picture. It doesn’t make for a pleasant visit and I end up feeling as though my visits are an opportunity for a complaint session. I leave feeling less motivated to visit. Any suggestions? (From a daughter-in-law in Madison)

Read More
On
Jean Mueller

Caregivers should seek outside help when needed

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: After my mother suffered a massive heart attack I offered to have her move in with me so I could provide the necessary care. That was six months ago and in that time she has progressively gotten weaker and less able to care for herself. My care in the beginning consisted of making meals, doing her laundry and reminding her to take her medications. Now she is having trouble walking on her own; she definitely needs help with her personal hygiene and we have not talked about this level of care. I am extremely uncomfortable giving my mother a shower or helping her with other needs such as going to the bathroom. How can I convince her to accept some outside help? (From a daughter in Sun Prairie).

Read More
On
Jean Mueller

Reassuring a parent at the end of their life

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: I have been caring for my mother for the past two years. She is in her late 80’s and has several health issues. The doctors told me she would probably not live beyond one year when I first brought her home. Lately she has been asking me, almost every day, “why am I still here?” I have given all of the cliché answers, such as “God’s not ready for you yet”, or “it’s not your time.” I have run out of things to say. What do you say or do when the person you are caring for is ready to go, and they simply seem to linger? (From a daughter in Middleton)

Read More
On
Jean Mueller

Discuss living arrangement options with parent

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: My mother is 88 and has lived independently all of her life. Now she is having some pretty serious health problems. She is in the hospital and will shortly be moved to a skilled facility for continued care. I know that Medicare does not cover the cost of such care for a long period of time. The problem is that I know she would like to go back home after the nursing home stay. I think it just might be time to think about living in the home permanently, as I know she cannot manage all of her care independently. I am not able to care for her and frankly, I don’t want to be her caregiver — I want to be her daughter. However, I feel bad that I am not offering to move her in with my family and me. Am I a bad daughter for not wanting to help? (Sun Prairie)

Read More
On
Jean Mueller

Helping elderly neighbors in need

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: I have been helping an older neighbor who is 79, for the past year. I started helping casually with things like bringing up the mail during snowstorms or helping him shovel. It was never consistent or “expected’ until now. He does not have any family and is alone and I want to be neighborly, but now he is asking if I can help with everything from cleaning to meals to transportation. I think he has enough money to be able to pay for such services, but I don’t think he wants to. How do I back out without making him feel bad? (Monroe).

Read More