Q. I am getting ready for my annual trip out east to spend time with my mother over the holidays.
Mom is in her 80s and it is getting more and more difficult for her to do everything — yet she insists on keeping up all of the old traditions and will not allow any of us to help.
By the time I leave she is exhausted and I am stressed and feeling guilty. Is there any way to convince her all the “fuss” is not necessary, without hurting her feelings?
(A daughter in Dodgeville)
I am most thankful this year for my astonishing discovery that traveling in Europe is still possible in your 80’s as long as you have a young and loving travel companion.
I recently did it with my 26 year-old granddaughter, Hillary, and a fun-loving group of Luxembourg Americans. There were 29 of us plus three guides.
I loved the rides on the tour bus each day because they were never too long (Luxembourg is only the size of Rhode Island) and the scenery was magnificent.
Q. I am becoming more and more concerned that my mom is not doing well.
She has lost many of her friends and when we speak I think there may be some depression going on.
I live on the West coast and can’t be there to actually see what is happening. What can I do? How do I get mom to accept help? (From daughter in San Francisco, Calif.)
A. Your concerns are very legitimate. Losses can be very hard to deal with especially as we get older and have fewer options to replace the loss.
Q. I have heard people use the term dementia, and then others will say Alzheimer’s disease. What is the difference and how can I tell if my dad is developing either one of them? (From a son in Southern Wisconsin.)
This is a very common question and there is a lot of confusion about this, so I am glad you asked.
Dementia is used as more of a general term that describes some symptoms.
The symptoms included in dementia are forgetfulness, repeating words or statements, and loss of judgment, to name a few.
As the 20th century came to a close, the United Nations celebrated the International Year of Older Persons, heralding the vision of “A Society for All Ages.”
The first years of the new millennium have been anything but that, with the abandonment of frail seniors during natural disasters from New Orleans to Japan, the legalization of assisted suicide in several U.S. states and foreign countries, and political rhetoric that seems to consider the growing population of seniors merely as a drain on our health care system and the federal budget. Is this the society for all ages we envisioned in 1999?
Remember how you always looked up to the “older” ones?
When you were four, they were the six-year-olds; they went to school. But when you got to school yourself, it was the eighth graders who were the big shots, and to them it was the high school kids, who looked up to the college kids, etc.
I learned about God’s humor from Sister Gregory, a delightful Franciscan nun who was staff advisor for my high school newspaper.
As editor, I had to “put the paper to bed,” meaning write the last headlines, cross all the t’s, and dot the i’s before going to press.
One night we had to work right through dinner time and both confessed we were hungry.
Sister excused herself and returned after a moment with a heaping, fragrant bowl of popcorn.
Some of my fondest memories of my childhood in the ‘30s were the Sunday afternoon visits to our country cousins.
We’d all pile into Daddy’s new model Chevy, (he sold them, so we always had a new one), drive the 20 miles or more to run in the fields, jump in the hay mow, and watch the animals warily, keeping a safe distance.
I was fascinated by an article I read this morning over my coffee and cereal.
It was in the July issue of Ladies Home Journal, and written by Michael J. Berland, president of a polling and research firm, who states, “Sure, her family makes her happy, but despite what society expects, a woman’s sense of fulfillment comes from being independent and having a sense of control over her own life.” He calls this the silver lining on that recession cloud because it has driven so many women to become actively involved in their family finances.
I grew up with clear notions of what kind of “old lady” I wanted to be.
I would have a pleasant relationship with my grandchildren and not always be criticizing them for wearing nail polish. I wouldn’t complain all the time about my arthritis and ulcers and tell them they didn’t need all that education because they “were just going to get married anyway.” I would keep up with the times.
