Q: After my mother suffered a massive heart attack I offered to have her move in with me so I could provide the necessary care. That was six months ago and in that time she has progressively gotten weaker and less able to care for herself. My care in the beginning consisted of making meals, doing her laundry and reminding her to take her medications. Now she is having trouble walking on her own; she definitely needs help with her personal hygiene and we have not talked about this level of care. I am extremely uncomfortable giving my mother a shower or helping her with other needs such as going to the bathroom. How can I convince her to accept some outside help? (From a daughter in Sun Prairie).
Tag: retirement living
Reassuring a parent at the end of their life
Q: I have been caring for my mother for the past two years. She is in her late 80’s and has several health issues. The doctors told me she would probably not live beyond one year when I first brought her home. Lately she has been asking me, almost every day, “why am I still here?” I have given all of the cliché answers, such as “God’s not ready for you yet”, or “it’s not your time.” I have run out of things to say. What do you say or do when the person you are caring for is ready to go, and they simply seem to linger? (From a daughter in Middleton)
Discuss living arrangement options with parent
Q: My mother is 88 and has lived independently all of her life. Now she is having some pretty serious health problems. She is in the hospital and will shortly be moved to a skilled facility for continued care. I know that Medicare does not cover the cost of such care for a long period of time. The problem is that I know she would like to go back home after the nursing home stay. I think it just might be time to think about living in the home permanently, as I know she cannot manage all of her care independently. I am not able to care for her and frankly, I don’t want to be her caregiver — I want to be her daughter. However, I feel bad that I am not offering to move her in with my family and me. Am I a bad daughter for not wanting to help? (Sun Prairie)
Helping elderly neighbors in need
Q: I have been helping an older neighbor who is 79, for the past year. I started helping casually with things like bringing up the mail during snowstorms or helping him shovel. It was never consistent or “expected’ until now. He does not have any family and is alone and I want to be neighborly, but now he is asking if I can help with everything from cleaning to meals to transportation. I think he has enough money to be able to pay for such services, but I don’t think he wants to. How do I back out without making him feel bad? (Monroe).
Power of attorney essential for heathcare and finances
Q: I understand the importance of Power of Attorney for both health care and finances, but my mother, aged 82, says, “I have a will and that is good enough!”
I have not been able to successfully convince her that she needs to make more formal arrangements. What can I say to her? (A daughter in Portage).