Q: My parents are in their late 70s and live in a rural community close by.
There are several siblings all involved in supporting mom and dad and we are all on the same page with regard to keeping them happy and living in their own home.
Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about two years ago and mom has taken on more and more responsibility for the day-to-day household management.
Generally speaking, they are doing as well as could be expected and the family is always ready to help.
The problems is that one of my dad’s “hobbies” was to gamble. It was never anything extreme. Twice a month mom and dad would go to one of the casinos and he would gamble a certain amount of money.
It never got out of hand until recently. They still like to go because it is something they can do together but the last time they went he would not stop gambling. Mom had a very difficult time getting him out of there. He lost over $200. Mom was frightened and did not know what to do without causing a scene. She finally got him to leave by telling him they had to get back home because someone was coming for dinner. It really frightened her and she does not want to go back.
Dad is already asking to go back to the casino. Is there any safe way he could still do this without risking a behavioral melt-down and losing their savings? (from a son in Sun Prairie.)
A: This sounds like a difficult time for your family. Your parents are blessed to have the support and interest of all of you!
You raised a great question. First, if you are not already connected, I would strongly urge you and your family to contact the Alzheimer’s and Dementia Alliance as well as the Alzheimer’s Association. They have resources that will help all of you as you navigate the changes that will come.
Your dad’s once enjoyable and well-controlled gambling is now a source of stress and tension for your mom.
With a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease he is no longer able to make good decisions and place limits on his behavior.
In essence, his filter is gone. He cannot discipline himself and probably would not like others trying to place limits on his actions. That means it is time to start making some of the very hard decisions living with Alzheimer’s disease.
It may not be actually going to the casino that is the temptation for your father but the way he feels when engaging in the activity. The answer is to find a way to re-create the feeling, without the risk.
What is it your dad enjoys about the casino? Is it the atmosphere, the crowd, the slot machines, and all of the sights and sounds? If you can identify what entices him, you can find other activities for him.
How about playing cards? If he enjoys betting, could the family arrange a poker night? If he loses money, it could be quietly returned to your mother.
There are many other card or board games you could try. The object is to keep your father engaged and entertained in this moment. It means making some difficult decisions about what activities are no longer appropriate and at the same time giving him something enjoyable.
The challenges that accompany Alzheimer’s disease can feel like they never end. As the disease progresses, you and your family will face many more changes and decisions will have to be made about what is and what is no longer appropriate.
Thankfully your parents have the love and support of a great family. All of you will need to be strong and support one another on this journey. God bless all of you.
The phone number for the Alzheimer’s and Dementia Alliance is 608-232-3400 and the number for the Alzheimer’s Association is 608-203-8500.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Madison Diocese Catholic Charities.