It’s February 29 and you know what that means: Only 17 days until St. Patrick’s Day!
To ensure that you have an authentically Irish American celebration of the day, I’ll walk you through how to prepare corned beef and cabbage, and then how to properly air out your home afterward.
Before you begin, know you’ll have to clear off your schedule. You’ll need from noon to dinnertime to make this holiday classic.
Gather and prepare
Step 1: Gather your ingredients. You’re going to need two flat (not rounded, those have a lot more fat on them) corned beef briskets that weigh about three or four pounds each.
Maybe keep a package of hot dogs handy just in case your dinner guests are children or aren’t as enthusiastic about the meal as you are.
You’ll also need two onions, whole cloves, and whole peppercorns.
Finally, grab a bag of full-size carrots, a small bag of potatoes — at least one per guest — and, of course, a head of cabbage. Pick up some parsley if you’re feeling fancy, but I never am. I know the stovetop battle is waiting for me.
Boil and cook
Step 2: Time to boil.
Buckle up, friends. The odor that’s about to roll off your stovetop will make your eyelashes curl.
First, open the corned beef. Throw away the seasoning packets, give the beef a quick rinse, then place each brisket in a separate stockpot. Cover with cold water.
Next, peel then stud the onions with the cloves, putting at least 15-20 into each onion. If the onions look like medieval weapons, you got it right. Place one clove-studded onion in each pot, along with 1 tablespoon of peppercorns.
You’re going to want to sit down for this next part: Now you have to simmer this thing for 40 minutes per pound. So if you’ve got a four pounder in each pot, that’s almost a whole two hours it’s going to be boiling away.
Warning: Cream-colored foam will form at the top of the water. It’s a good idea to scoop that off from time to time so that it doesn’t bubble over and make a mess of your stovetop.
As the minutes tick by, the odor will seep into your clothing and every inch of your house, but that’s all part of the experience.
One year, I peered out of our fogged-up windows to see our kids lined up on the front stoop, driven outside by the smell. The annual odor has reached legendary status among our kids, who feel pride in having survived to tell the tale.
Towards the end of the simmering time, preheat your oven to 325 and wonder how the beef could possibly require more cooking.
Step 3: Bake. When it’s finally done simmering, you can breathe a sigh of relief and remove the beef from the pots. Place both briskets in a shallow baking pan with sides. Smother with yellow mustard and sprinkle with brown sugar. Cover in foil and bake for 45 minutes.
Immediately after you place the corned beef in the oven, you’ll need to get to work straining what you can from the stockpots. I’ve settled on pouring the hot liquid through a strainer into a second pot, then transferring the clear liquid back into the original stockpot. The potential for burns is astronomical, so be careful. At this point you’ll have used all of the pots you own and will be short on kitchen space. That’s also part of the experience.
In one stockpot, place a cabbage cut into eighths. In the other, place a pound of peeled and quartered carrots and potatoes. Add more water to both pots, and — you guessed it — boil it all. Cook until the veggies are fork tender.
Serve and enjoy
Step 4: Serve. After 45 minutes, remove the beef from the oven. Let rest until your burned hands can manage slicing the corned beef, then place it on a platter. Arrange the boiled cabbage, potatoes, and carrots around the corned beef. Here’s where the parsley would come in handy, if you can muster the energy to chop and sprinkle it on top. Serve with soda bread, butter, salt, and Guinness, and maybe an Irish coffee for afterward.
With every window in your house open, the odor won’t linger for more than for a few days. The memories of a fantastic meal with family and friends, however, will remain far longer.
Meg Matenaer is a wife, mom, social media writer, and author residing in the Diocese of Madison.