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A remarkable film I would highly recommend is Paul, Apostle of Christ, which depicts the last months of St. Paul’s life.
Imprisoned and facing death in Rome, Paul dictates the extraordinary events of his life, conversion to Christ, and mission to St. Luke, who writes the Acts of the Apostles as the fruit of their conversations.
Simultaneously, the whole Christian community in Rome endures Nero’s bloody and violent persecution, as they seek Paul’s inspiration and direction.The creative tension in the film unfolds in the relationship between Paul and Mauritius, the Roman military official in charge of the prison and the one who ultimately orders Paul’s execution by beheading.
Mauritius is both intrigued and repelled by Paul and his radical faith in Christ but comes to a greater sympathy for this new faith when Luke heals his daughter on her deathbed.
The Roman official seems to be teetering on the brink of converting to Christianity when Paul has a remarkable conversation with him in the garden outside the prison.
Paul says, “I pray that one day you will be stripped of all your defenses, and in that moment, you will realize that you are absolutely known by God and completely loved by Him.”
Mauritius is moved to tears and yet, days later orders Paul’s beheading. Such is the ambiguity of the human heart.
A story of conversion
Paul’s words are spoken from personal experience.
The Conversion of St. Paul, which we celebrate liturgically on January 25, is the only commemoration of someone’s embrace of the faith and it is a significant one.
Zealously persecuting Christians, throwing them in jail, and colluding in the stoning of St. Stephen, Saul is blinded by a dazzling light on the road to Damascus and hears the voice of Jesus asking him why he is persecuting Him.
“Who are you, Sir?”, Paul asks and the Lord’s response is beautiful in its brevity. “I am Jesus of Nazareth whom you persecute.”
Paul is blinded, led by the hand to the house of Ananias, a local prominent Christian leader, and is Baptized, whereupon he receives his sight and takes the name of Paul.
He spends his remaining days spreading the Gospel which he had sought to eradicate.
In that remarkable encounter, Paul is stripped of his defenses, his self-righteousness, and his anger, coming to realize that he is completely known by God and unconditionally loved in Christ.
This experience completely transforms his existence, as he comes to understand that only the love of God, made manifest in Jesus, can satisfy, forgive, and save him.
Once he understood the essence of the Gospel, Paul was compelled by the Holy Spirit to give his entire life, heart, energy, and will to its extension to every person.
He suffered beatings, imprisonment, defamation, shipwreck, fasting, sleepless nights, and illness in order to plant the seed of the Good News in as many hearts as possible.
This passionate apostolate is the soul of evangelization.
Seeking to be saved in Christ
Like Paul, if we indeed seek to be saved in Christ, we too must be stripped of our self-sufficiency, complacency, indifference, and selfishness.
Until I radically understand that only the love of God can satisfy the longings of my heart, I will always be looking for some relationship, achievement, possession, or experience to fill the aching void in my spirit.
I must hand over my defenses and be left vulnerable, in order to let God be the Lord of my life.
Sickness, suffering, loss, and difficulty are unpleasant crosses we happily avoid, yet they bear within their forbidding exterior the hidden grace of surrender to Christ and the opportunity for conversion.
When all of my props, crutches, securities, and comforts have been kicked out from underneath me, I can let God truly be God.
Such a spiritual path is not for the faint of heart. The journey to the Father’s house can be a perilous one.
In all of the challenges of the present moment, can we somehow grasp the opportunity to trust in God more deeply, to believe His promises more readily, and to hand our lives over to Christ more fully?
Paul had to be knocked off his horse and blinded in order to understand his dependence on God and his deep need for Christ.
Do I have faith enough to trust that when life brings me down to my knees, that may be exactly the posture God wants me to embrace?
In our Go Make Disciples Initiative, we seek to share the life-changing power of the Gospel with everyone around us, but maybe the first step is to surrender our own defenses and come to realize in an ever deeper way that we are completely known by God and absolutely loved by Christ, and that conviction makes all the difference.
Happy Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul!