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We all know it’s there and probably have some idea of how we could access it. Pornography affects some of us more directly than others, but there’s no doubt that porn is a problem impacting all of us, and regrettably, it’s not going away anytime soon.
Porn has created a culture of its own, and this culture is influencing each one of us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and relationally to a greater or lesser extent depending on if we directly participate in the use of pornography. There are immense moral, social, and spiritual dangers for us and even for our children.
Parents’ role as educators
Many of the parents I have the privilege of knowing ask God to guide them in their role as the first and primary educators and protectors of their children to make their children the saints they’re called to be.
They want to be good examples for their children, and at the same time protect their children from negative influences, including the pornified culture that tries to shove itself into children’s faces at younger and younger ages.
They desperately want to keep pornography from creeping into their children’s lives, but they’re just not sure how to do that.
If you’re a parent, does this sound like you?
Survey, research findings
If so, then I have good news! Through some survey findings and a bit of research, here are a few practical steps that any parent can take regardless of your technical knowledge.
In 2016, a large U.S. Catholic high school anonymously surveyed the majority of their male students on pornography use. The survey was administered anonymously during theology classes.
Here’s what stands out about this survey. A high percentage of pornography consumption by high school students happens on smartphones (57%), in the bedroom (61%), and/or when they’re bored (48%). Thankfully, these are things parents can control.
In 2016, the Barna Group published its study The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Pornography In the Digital Age, wherein they state that 88% of teens (children ages 13-17) have a phone, and 82% of teens sleep with their phone in their bedroom. Further, the survey explains that 48% (nearly half) of preteens (children ages nine-12) have a phone, and of those, most (72%) sleep with their phone in their bedroom.
If you’re like the majority of parents, you’ve chosen to provide your children with a smartphone and internet access. Sometimes, this decision is made without fully understanding all of the ways in which our children can access pornography.
Tips to follow
But the following tips can help limit your child’s exposure to inappropriate content:
1. Lead by example.
Parents influence their children at every level. So why, then, wouldn’t parents use of the internet and pornography affect their children, and most likely even their children’s friends? Parents need to be a model of accountability to help their children see the value of it.
Why is this critical? Children and especially teens need to know they are not being targeted because they are kids. Accountability is valuable for everyone. This is ultimately something you hope they will continue to use into their adulthood. Show them how valuable it is by starting with you.
2. Protect your family’s devices.
Use parental controls, and if a device doesn’t provide or allow parental controls to be downloaded, don’t buy it for them. Again, as another layer of protection, use Covenant Eyes Accountability on your family’s smartphones, tablets, and computers.
3. No smartphones, tablets, computers, or TVs in bedrooms.
Keep computers in an open room. Don’t allow devices in your children’s bedrooms that can access the internet or cable.
4. Talk to your children.
Unless you have reason to believe your children have done something wrong online, and unless you have spoken with each child privately about those misuses, do not presume your children are guilty of anything. The goal of this step is not to communicate that you are displeased about what they do online, but to tell them how easy it is to access harmful material on the internet.
5. Give your kids responsibilities and encourage life-giving hobbies.
It’s a more and more common occurrence that our young people aren’t given responsibilities at home or in the broader life of the community. God has given them many gifts to use and share, so we must give them the opportunity to do so! Both young and teenage children can really thrive when given responsibilities like folding clothes, drying the dishes, mowing, and meal planning or helping cook once a week.
Children are also bursting with energy and ways to be creative. Pay attention to what they enjoy and what comes naturally to them, and cultivate that in the child. Are they good at drawing? How about the guitar? Does your son enjoy wood working? Maybe your daughter likes taking photographs? Encourage growth in these areas and other hobbies they have interest in. This will get them away from the TV and smartphone, which decreases their likelihood of exposure and ongoing use of pornography.
In the digital age, it’s not a matter of if your child will see something inappropriate online. It’s only a matter of when. Although no plan is 100% safe, I believe that following the steps above will significantly decrease the opportunities for our pornified culture to have undue influence on the hearts and minds of our precious children.
Safe Haven Sunday
To provide you with the additional tools you need to protect your marriages and families from pornography and to make your home a safe haven for children and adults, the Diocese of Madison will celebrate its second annual Safe Haven Sunday on January 19, 2020.
Within the context of Mass, parishes in the Diocese of Madison will provide teaching and resources that will support and protect individuals, marriages, and families in making all homes a safe haven.
It is my hope that the resources provided to you on Safe Haven Sunday will both encourage and teach parents and individuals how to effectively address pornography in the home and encourage the steps it takes to make our homes safe havens for all.
John Joy, STL, is marriage and family coordinator for the Office of Evangelization and Catechesis, Diocese of Madison.