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Q I am the only family member involved in my mother’s care.
She lives in an apartment and has a service agency visiting daily to help her get up, prepare meals, and to be there for companionship.
Since my mother is not receiving much of a monthly income, I pay for this service. I have repeatedly asked this agency to keep me informed of their activities. It seems all they are interested in is sending me the monthly bill.
I hear about things second hand or well after the event has occurred. I am talking about missed visits as well as observations the staff has about my mother and her overall health and well being. Since I pay for her care, shouldn’t I be able to get all the details? (A concerned son in Columbus).
A This is a great question because it involves more than you may think.
Our initial assumption might be that the power lies with the person paying the bill. That is not always the case and is particularly true when it comes to health and medical information.
Sharing information
The agency may want your mother to sign a release allowing this communication to occur.
Organizations providing care are authorized to share information in order to receive payment for their services, but when it comes to family members paying the bill it can become cloudy.
Is your mother comfortable having information shared? I know of a situation where a mother did not want her daughter knowing anything about the assistance she was receiving because she felt the daughter would “take over” if she knew her mother needed that amount of help.
If you let your mother know you would like more transparency with the organization providing her service, your need to know out of concern for her well-being, and to assure they are doing a good job, she may be more willing to allow the communication to occur.
Communication log
If she agrees, start by asking the organization providing the service if they could place a “communication log” in the home for care providers to record their visits and offer any comments related to your mother’s care that day.
The next step is to plan where it will be stored. Don’t leave it out on the table where anyone entering the home could read intimate details of your mother’s day.
When done properly, this can be a great supplement to an overall plan of support for your mother and keep you informed at the same time.
If your mother does not agree to have information shared, or if the agency will not consider a communication log, ask the agency what communication you can expect from them.
They will want to comply with any privacy practices that are in place. You mother is one lucky lady to have a son so helpful. Bless you.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Madison Diocese Catholic Charities.