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Q This may have been asked before, but I need some advice on how to manage holiday gatherings with someone who has dementia.
My mother lives with my sister. Mom has Alzheimer’s disease and my sister wants the entire family, all 25 of us, to gather at her home for Christmas.
I think it will be too hard for mom to be around all of us at the same time. My sister thinks we might not have another Christmas with mom so I don’t know how far to push.
(From a son in Sun Prairie).
A This is a common concern at this time of year and you are very considerate to think of your mother and her emotional state.
On the other hand, your sister has a valid point. Making memories becomes so important when you are looking at a future without a significant family member.
Overwhelming
There may be several ways to accomplish this without overwhelming your mother, but much of it depends on her emotional state and ability to handle this type of gathering.
If a large gathering would not confuse her, you might get together for a short amount of time.
Your sister could host a cookie exchange or you could all gather for appetizers instead of a large meal.
If you want a family group picture, you could meet for that and then disperse.
You might also consider having smaller groups of family members visit at different times. That would allow your mother the luxury of spending time in a more relaxed setting and offer her time to have more significant interactions with family members.
Comfort is priority
If you put your mother’s comfort as the primary goal, I believe you and your sister can arrive at a reasonable compromise without abandoning traditions.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years, she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Madison Diocese Catholic Charities.