Category: Ask Jean

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Jean Mueller

New emergency medical alert features available

Ask Jean column by Jean MuellerQ: We have been noticing some memory loss in my mom for about the past year.

She denies any problem and will not bring up the issue with her physician, and we are not able to convince her that she needs to talk to her doctor or make any changes.

She lives alone, not far from family but she is alone in her apartment and we worry about what might happen.

My siblings and I have talked about LifeLine or some kind of emergency system, but with her memory loss I am not sure she would remember to wear the device or push the button if she needed assistance. Is there anything that might help? (From a son in Racine.)

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Jean Mueller

Family should step up

Q My dad has been living with me for the past three years and while I love him and have entered into this arrangement willingly, I am feeling more and more resentful of my siblings. I have a brother and a sister, both live close to me and neither one of them offer to give me a break. I don’t understand how they can just go on with their lives and leave me here to do all of the caregiving. I am afraid I will unintentionally take out my frustration on dad. What should I do? (From a daughter in Janesville).

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Jean Mueller

Moving parents to another city

Ask Jean by columnist Jean MuellerQ My mother lives in northern Illinois. This is home, where we grew up. My mom is in her late 80s, dad died several years ago. My mother gave up the family home and moved into an apartment and has been doing okay, but recently she has been telling me how she is losing so many of her friends. She feels alone.

I am thinking about asking her to move in with me. My brother and sister live in California and Georgia and I know she would not want to live in either of those states.

I wonder if living with me would help her feel less lonely and help me feel less guilty about not always being there for her. (From a daughter in Wausau).

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Jean Mueller

Daughter is concerned about mom’s diet

Ask Jean by columnist Jean MuellerQ I am concerned about my mother who is in her late 70s. She lives alone and is quite independent. She recently started having some health problems related to high blood pressure, swelling, and fatigue.

The doctor placed her on some medication and is closely monitoring her for which I am thankful. Since I live in a different county, I am not able to be there as often as I would like but we talk frequently and she assures me that she is following the doctor’s advice.

My concern is related to her diet. She insists on eating the same foods every day, which consists of TV dinners, soup, and sandwiches.

I would like her to eat more nutritious foods that are lower in salt but since I am not there to help her prepare them, I don’t think I can be too critical of her intake.

Are there any healthier options or support for people in these situations? I know she will not want to make a big meal since she lives alone. (From a daughter in Kenosha)

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Jean Mueller

Hiding information from a parent: good or bad?

Ask Jean by columnist Jean MuellerQ I come from a family of five — three boys and two girls. Mom is still living, dad passed away several years ago. We have always been “worriers” — with my mom setting the standard.

One of my sisters has just been diagnosed with a serious disease and does not want mom to know because she will worry. I think she should know what is going on but I am the only one. Is it a good idea to hide this information from mom to “protect” her? (A son in Portage)

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Jean Mueller

Does Medicare cover nursing home care?

Ask Jean by columnist Jean MuellerQ What exactly does Medicare cover? My father is in his late 70’s and in failing health.

He has told me when the time comes he would agree to go to a “home,” (my mother died many years ago).

He seems to think Medicare will cover the cost of a nursing home. I don’t think it does. Who is right? (From a son in Beloit).

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Jean Mueller

Intervening with a parent’s right to drive

Ask Jean by columnist Jean MuellerQ My mother has Macular Degeneration and some other health conditions. She lives independently and has been able to manage her own affairs and care without my help.

On a recent visit I was shocked to learn just how limited her vision is. She admitted her vision has been slowly getting worse over the last few months.

The problem is she insists on driving. She says she only goes out in the day time and only drives before or after the rush hour. She also stays off busy streets.

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What does ‘health care power of attorney’ mean?

Q. My father has just asked me to be his health care power of attorney. I am not sure what that entails and what my responsibilities would be. We have a good relationship and I am willing to help him (he is 78 and in fairly good health). In the worst case scenario what would this mean? (From a son in Dodgeville)

A. This is a great question because there is a lot of confusion about health care power of attorney and what that entails.

The power of attorney or “agent” is a person who has the permission to make health care decisions for the “principal” (in your case your father) in the event of incapacitation.

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Jean Mueller

Keeping a family tradition alive with help

Q. I am getting ready for my annual trip out east to spend time with my mother over the holidays.

Mom is in her 80s and it is getting more and more difficult for her to do everything — yet she insists on keeping up all of the old traditions and will not allow any of us to help.

By the time I leave she is exhausted and I am stressed and feeling guilty. Is there any way to convince her all the “fuss” is not necessary, without hurting her feelings?

(A daughter in Dodgeville)

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Helping an aging parent from a distance

Q. I am becoming more and more concerned that my mom is not doing well.

She has lost many of her friends and when we speak I think there may be some depression going on.

I live on the West coast and can’t be there to actually see what is happening. What can I do? How do I get mom to accept help? (From daughter in San Francisco, Calif.)

A. Your concerns are very legitimate. Losses can be very hard to deal with especially as we get older and have fewer options to replace the loss.

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