I know I ended with another teaser last month (that I’ve been introduced to a new medical approach to my long-standing spinal issues), but you’ll have to endure a bit of a wait for that revelation. A little sidetrack is in order.
In case it’s subliminally lost between the paragraphs, I want to explicitly stress that I am not sharing any of this to send every parent into a panic — to start a frenzied cascade of neurotic micro-analyses of when and where Mom or Dad put Junior into a timeout that was just three minutes too long, subsequently hurling him into the end of his prayer life, a chronic illness, and a crime spree that would make Dillinger jealous.
I’m not sharing it to give any of us an out for our less-than-stellar behavior.
Not everything is trauma, poor parenting, or “the devil made me do it.”
Sometimes sin is just plain old sin, and personal shortcomings are straightforward and exactly as Webster defines.
I’m sharing it to offer hope that unknown wounds can be a part of our struggles — including part of the genesis of our worst habits and/or sufferings.
And the process of excavating it can be very fruitful and healing — physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
It’s almost like a giant, lengthy examination of conscience: Sometimes messy and painful, but if you work through it to the end, you should see a better version of yourself in the mirror.
Why keep all of this fun to myself?
So, sticking with that amalgamation of flakes that is this three-piece glacier, it makes sense to attack it from each of these angles.
It took me a good while to realize this, however, so consider this your head start.
Grab your favorite ice axe, and get ready to divide and conquer.
I focused on only the physical for a very long time, keeping myself moving up this icy mountain with a harness here and a carabiner there.
This was better than nothing, believe me, but not an end-all, be-all solution to my mind; my preference was to just knock the whole thing down.
Still, symptom control has its place among your equipment, and the ideal is to keep it heavy on the exercise, rest, and supplements . . . and light on the Valium and Tanqueray.
But even if you should find yourself going down that nasty road that is the latter, keep in mind something the Holy Spirit recently put into my head (as I was debating yet another step of the saga that is mastectomy and reconstruction): “There is NO SUCH THING as a ‘point of no return’ when I am in the picture.”
Do your best to never lose sight of that absolute truth.
The Creator of the universe, of every being on the planet, may be allowing this struggle in your life to bring about some greater good, but He can also step in any time and in any way that He chooses. And even if He doesn’t so choose, He sees every tear . . . is never away from you no matter how wanting you are for consolation . . . knows your pain as intimately as you do.
In the midst of severe trial, believing this can be beyond tough; there is no emotion behind the vacuous verbal affirmation of such that you somehow manage to force yourself to express.
I have been there. I can now see that Satan worked very hard to rob me of this comfort; he enjoyed inciting me to feel punished, to feed my bitterness.
My best advice? Pray as much for grace as for healing, and throw him off the precipice.
And find yourself someone to whom you can vent these emotions, and with whom you can chip your way down to any unknown wounds.
If you’re a person who feels therapy is just for wimps and mentally unstable weaklings who are lacking in discipline, I urge you to also send that prejudice careening down the glacier.
It’s simply not true. There are several psychotherapy techniques that have an excellent track record in recovery from trauma, grief, etc.; there need not be any psychotropics involved.
The mind is even more important than the body, and it deserves just as much care.
Lastly, to move your emotional and spiritual healing into warp speed, seek out spiritual “therapy”.
In your search for this person, I would suggest (1) a Catholic is best for a Catholic; (2) someone you trust to not be judgmental is best for anyone.
Moreover, it’s best to find someone who has a true interest in spiritual healing work and is very clear that he/she is merely a conduit — God alone is the healer.
I was blessed to know just such a deacon in my former diocese.
He has a true gift for invoking the aid of the Holy Spirit, and our prayer sessions together changed my life.
My biggest tip regarding this work? Start with your most habitual sin or deepest flaw, no matter how scarlet.
Go straight for the jugular, and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any unknown source of that weakness.
You might be surprised what He reveals to you as you die to your pride.
That might be a scary thought, but remind yourself that it is the evil one who wants to keep us chained in shame and fear; the Trinity desires to make us new.
You won’t have to wonder if that answer is truly from the Holy Spirit; the tear-stained cheeks of your emancipated soul will make it abundantly clear.
Armed with spiritual strength and a heart so full such as perhaps you have never known before, you will likely find yourself capable of things that you previously would have never even tried.
Why? You are now rock solid in the belief that you are not alone . . . you never were, but it’s ever so nice to be able to feel it again.
Maria Burns is a lifelong Catholic and writer who lives in Madison and is a member of Divine Mercy Parish in Madison.