ask – Madison Catholic Herald Archive (2001-2025)

Q My husband and I are traveling to his parents’ home for the Christmas holiday. We are not sure what to expect. His parents are both in their mid-80s and we have not seen them for several months as we live on the East Coast.

My husband is an only child so we rely mostly on phone calls with his parents to inform us of their well-being. Each time we speak they assure us they are fine but it seems that our conversations have become less detailed. We have also noticed that they often repeat the same information during our conversations.

Ask Jean

On September 15, 2016

Jean Mueller

Showing respect for others despite their ‘age’

Q I am an “older woman” who has worked hard, raised a family, and valued my education. I feel I have lived a good life.

My issue is that when I am out tending to my own business, some individuals will call me “honey,” “dear,” or “sweetie.”

They may hold a door open for me, they may pick up something that I have dropped, or perhaps offer some other gesture they consider to be helpful.

It is not that I don’t appreciate kindness as I think they are trying to be helpful, but I find this somewhat demeaning. They don’t know my capabilities or how I prefer to be addressed.

Ask Jean

On July 14, 2016

Jean Mueller

Navigating a complicated health system

Q I am trying to be an advocate for my mother who has some health issues and I feel as though we are getting lost in this complicated health care system.

I have permission to be with her during the frequent visits to the numerous specialists she must see. It seems when I bring up a concern, all we get is another series of tests, a trial for a different medication, or a referral to yet another specialist.

My mother does not want to keep seeing new physicians and repeating the same information all over again. She does not understand all of this “fussing” and would just like to be comfortable.

Guest column

On April 7, 2016

Ask IPS

Should we push our children to aim for perfection?


	Ask IPS

QUESTION: “I was wondering about the balance of aiming for perfection. As a parent, I want my children to do well in life, and especially in school, but I also do not want to push my child too far. Is working for perfection with your children a positive thing?”

RESPONSE: William McKenna, M.S. Clinical Psychology Extern at Catholic Charities

Excellent question! Before answering, however, I would like to present to you a quote from Coach John Wooden, the famous UCLA basketball coach who led his team to 10 championship victories in 12 years. He said, “Perfection is what you are striving for, but perfection is an impossibility.”

Ask Jean

On January 20, 2016

Jean Mueller

Home modifications necessary for safety

Q We lost my mom a few months ago and although my dad has been managing better than I expected on his own, I wonder if there are any home improvement tips or modifications that would make living alone easier for him?

The home is a small two-story and he stays on the first floor which has all the essential living spaces: kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and living room.

Since I am an only child and live over two hours away from him, I don’t want to overlook anything that might help him stay independent. He has low vision and has had one hip replaced but other than that is in good health.

Guest column

On January 13, 2016

Ask IPS

Reaching out to the homeless and those in need


	Ask IPS

QUESTION: “Especially as the cold settles in this winter, I want to reach out to the homeless in my community. At the same time, this is outside of my comfort zone and I’m afraid of being asked to take on burdens that I’m not ready for. What is a good balance to strike?”

RESPONSE: Sarah Lowrey, M.S. Student at the IPS Center for the Psychological Services

How beautiful that you want to serve and make a difference in your community!

Ask Jean

On December 9, 2015

Jean Mueller

Minimizing holiday stress for seniors

Q I am hosting a holiday gathering for our extended family this year and have some questions about how to make the time relaxing for our older in-laws.

My husband’s parents are both experiencing some health issues and have limited energy for long celebrations.

Some family members are traveling quite a distance and are anxious to visit with them. I am worried that my in-laws will be “too gracious” and not let family know when they are tired and need to take a break.

Do you have some tips for making this enjoyable for all without offending anyone or exhausting our in-laws?

(From a daughter-in-law in Beloit)

Ask Jean

On November 18, 2015

Chris Lee

Losing that ‘spark’ in older years

Q I am concerned about my mother. She is in her early 80s and has enjoyed relatively good health.

She has a little arthritis but does not let that stop her from doing most everything she wants to do.

Since my father died several years ago, she has been living in an apartment complex for older adults. She has friends and seems to enjoy many of the social activities offered by the apartment management.

My concern is that lately when I visit she seems sad. For lack of a better term, she seems to have lost her “spark.”

I tried to talk to her about the upcoming holidays and she said we could discuss it later. This is a woman who used to begin Christmas shopping in July! I ask her what is going on but she dismisses the question.

I don’t know how to help her. Do you have any ideas? (From a daughter in Dodgeville)

Ask Jean

On November 18, 2015

Jean Mueller

Losing that ‘spark’ in older years

Q I am concerned about my mother. She is in her early 80s and has enjoyed relatively good health.

She has a little arthritis but does not let that stop her from doing most everything she wants to do.

Since my father died several years ago, she has been living in an apartment complex for older adults. She has friends and seems to enjoy many of the social activities offered by the apartment management.

My concern is that lately when I visit she seems sad. For lack of a better term, she seems to have lost her “spark.”

I tried to talk to her about the upcoming holidays and she said we could discuss it later. This is a woman who used to begin Christmas shopping in July! I ask her what is going on but she dismisses the question.

I don’t know how to help her. Do you have any ideas? (From a daughter in Dodgeville)

Ask Jean

On October 22, 2015

Jean Mueller

Gather facts while choosing an assisted living facility

Q. My mother made the decision to move to an assisted living facility.

The challenges of keeping up her home while attending to her own health have caused far too much stress for her.

She made the decision on her own and shared this with the family at a recent gathering.

Although we (siblings) are saddened to see mom move out of our family home, we are simultaneously relieved that hopefully life will be easier for her. We have started touring various facilities and find them to be very different.