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Q I am an “older woman” who has worked hard, raised a family, and valued my education. I feel I have lived a good life.
My issue is that when I am out tending to my own business, some individuals will call me “honey,” “dear,” or “sweetie.”
They may hold a door open for me, they may pick up something that I have dropped, or perhaps offer some other gesture they consider to be helpful.
It is not that I don’t appreciate kindness as I think they are trying to be helpful, but I find this somewhat demeaning. They don’t know my capabilities or how I prefer to be addressed.
I know there are much worse things that could be happening and maybe I should be grateful that others are trying to be helpful.
It is just that I feel a bit sensitive about this as I am not frail or incapable and I am not their “sweetie.”
Am I being too sensitive? (An older adult in Baraboo.)
A I am so thankful for this observation and question.
You are in no way being oversensitive.
I do agree that terms like “sweetie” or “honey” are intended to show kindness, but what they lack is respect.
You are absolutely right when you state they don’t know you, they don’t know your background, your personal preferences, or your educational background.
As a child, I was taught to address older individuals by their title and last name; such as Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones. We would never have considered calling older adults by their first name let alone something like “honey.”
I realize that we live in a more casual environment and some feel that eliminating various titles levels the playing field for all of us.
I happen to disagree.
Individuals who have lived a long life, no matter what their accomplishments, deserve recognition and respect.
Calling individuals “cute” names or assuming that because someone is of a certain age they must need assistance is denying that person their individuality.
Thank you for bringing this to our attention.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Diocese of Madison Catholic Charities. Questions for the “Ask Jean” column may be sent to Jean Mueller at jmueller@ccmadison.org