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Q We lost my mom a few months ago and although my dad has been managing better than I expected on his own, I wonder if there are any home improvement tips or modifications that would make living alone easier for him?
The home is a small two-story and he stays on the first floor which has all the essential living spaces: kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and living room.
Since I am an only child and live over two hours away from him, I don’t want to overlook anything that might help him stay independent. He has low vision and has had one hip replaced but other than that is in good health.
He is in his early 80s and was a wonderful caregiver to my mom who was ill for the last year of her life. I want to honor him and support his desire to remain in the home he shared with mom for the last 50 years. Any information would be greatly appreciated.
(From a worried daughter in West Bend).
A My deepest condolences to both you and your father.
I assume the last year had many challenges, but it sounds as though your father was a faithful caregiver. From the concern you expressed I would guess you assisted him in the caregiving as well.
Caring for a family member during the last time of their lives is, in my opinion, one of the most painful privileges of this life. I can only hope you and your father have some wonderful, comforting memories of your time with her.
Regarding your question about home modifications; yes! There are many things one can do to make living in the home easier.
I would start by taking inventory of all the daily and weekly tasks he performs and which ones are causing some difficulty.
Bathroom
The first area that comes to my mind is daily personal cares. It is good there is a first floor bathroom but is it completely accessible? By that I mean, is your dad able to easily navigate around the space and use the fixtures?
Starting with the stool — is there a raised toilet seat? Are there support bars on either side? If the room has a bathtub and/or a tub/shower combination does he use that or is he washing up at the sink?
Installing some support bars might make it easier to enter and exit the shower. You could also look into a shower chair and hand-held shower so he can sit while showering. Are there night lights installed along the way from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Kitchen
Next, look at the kitchen. Are the things he uses most at or near eye level? If you place the most commonly used items between hip and shoulder height, he will not have to reach overhead or bend to get them.
Where are the washing machine and dryer located? If they are in the basement how does he navigate the stairs while holding a basket of laundry? This could be an accident waiting to happen. If there is no alternative to moving the units to the first floor, is there a laundry service or other individual who would assist him with this?
Other areas
If you thoughtfully and methodically walk through the house with your dad and have him show you his routine, you may identify several areas that could be improved upon.
But also, please remember that your father is an adult and will want you to have confidence that he is fully capable of caring for himself. After all, he cared for your mother for the last year, so approaching him with love and compassion will allow him to show you how he cares for himself.
He is certainly very fortunate to have a daughter so concerned for him. Blessings to you both.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years, she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Diocese of Madison Catholic Charities.