Tag: mueller

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Jean Mueller

Checking on parents during extended holiday visit

Q My husband and I are traveling to his parents’ home for the Christmas holiday. We are not sure what to expect. His parents are both in their mid-80s and we have not seen them for several months as we live on the East Coast.

My husband is an only child so we rely mostly on phone calls with his parents to inform us of their well-being. Each time we speak they assure us they are fine but it seems that our conversations have become less detailed. We have also noticed that they often repeat the same information during our conversations.

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Jean Mueller

Family should be given opportunity to help

Q My father-in-law recently experienced some health concerns.

As a family member I wanted to offer support and assist in any way I could. I offered to sit with my mother-in-law as she spent endless hours in the hospital, bring a meal over, or help with some chores around the house.

It is not that my offers were ignored, my mother-in-law just politely said, “Thank you so much for the offer, but I am fine.”

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Jean Mueller

Showing respect for others despite their ‘age’

Q I am an “older woman” who has worked hard, raised a family, and valued my education. I feel I have lived a good life.

My issue is that when I am out tending to my own business, some individuals will call me “honey,” “dear,” or “sweetie.”

They may hold a door open for me, they may pick up something that I have dropped, or perhaps offer some other gesture they consider to be helpful.

It is not that I don’t appreciate kindness as I think they are trying to be helpful, but I find this somewhat demeaning. They don’t know my capabilities or how I prefer to be addressed.

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Jean Mueller

Navigating a complicated health system

Q I am trying to be an advocate for my mother who has some health issues and I feel as though we are getting lost in this complicated health care system.

I have permission to be with her during the frequent visits to the numerous specialists she must see. It seems when I bring up a concern, all we get is another series of tests, a trial for a different medication, or a referral to yet another specialist.

My mother does not want to keep seeing new physicians and repeating the same information all over again. She does not understand all of this “fussing” and would just like to be comfortable.

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Jean Mueller

Advising senior parents about housing decisions

Question: I think this may have come up before, but I am wondering if there are some guidelines for choosing where to move when being at home is no longer an option.

My father is ready to move out of the family home. He admits he cannot keep up with maintenance and chores and since my mother passed away, he feels he is just occupying an empty space.

My siblings and I are so grateful he feels this way and want to support him as best we can. He does have some health issues and we have wondered if he is depressed or if he might have some memory issues because of some things he has been forgetting.

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Jean Mueller

Alleviating concerns of adult children

I know most of the time children are writing in to you to ask questions about their aging parent. Well, this is the opposite.

I am a 79-year-old mother who is being “smothered” by my children. All of a sudden they think I can’t do anything on my own. They think I should stop driving and that I should sell my house; the list goes on and on.

My husband passed away several years ago and I have been just fine on my own. I feel I am in good health and really just want them to stop worrying about me. Do you have any suggestions? (From a mother in Portage)

You are obviously a very good parent and are so blessed to have such caring, concerned children. I know several others who would love to have this kind of attention from their children.

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Jean Mueller

Minimizing holiday stress for seniors

Ask Jean by Jean Mueller column logo

Q I am hosting a holiday gathering for our extended family this year and have some questions about how to make the time relaxing for our older in-laws.

My husband’s parents are both experiencing some health issues and have limited energy for long celebrations.

Some family members are traveling quite a distance and are anxious to visit with them. I am worried that my in-laws will be “too gracious” and not let family know when they are tired and need to take a break.

Do you have some tips for making this enjoyable for all without offending anyone or exhausting our in-laws?

(From a daughter-in-law in Beloit)

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