On August 9, 2016, in Rome, Italy, four policemen were called to the home of Michele, a 94-year-old man, and Jole, his 89-year-old wife.
After 70 years of marriage, they still loved each other, but they were suffering from loneliness partially because their neighbors were on vacation and partially because TV reports of terrorists’ attacks, abused children, and other bad news upset them.
To comfort them, the officers cooked their favorite meal, spaghetti with butter and parmesan. They also spent the evening socializing with them and learning about their lives.
Then they posted the couples’ cross of loneliness on Facebook. In the post, they wrote poetically, “Life isn’t always easy, especially when the city empties and neighbors are away on holiday. Sometimes loneliness dissolves into tears. Sometimes it’s like a summer storm that suddenly overwhelms us.”
Elderly loneliness statistics
According to the United States Department of Health and Human Services, by 2060, there will be about 98 million older persons in America, more than twice their number in 2014.
According to a study by the University of California, San Francisco, 43 percent of elderly people feel lonely, but only 18 percent live alone.
This shows that loneliness does not necessarily come from being alone, but from feeling alone and unloved because nobody seems to care. Other factors also contribute to loneliness.
In a 2013 interview, Pope Francis stated that youth unemployment and loneliness among the elderly were the “the most urgent” problems facing the Church, and among the most serious of the evils afflicting the world. He concluded, “The old need care and companionship, and the young need employment.”
Bobbie Smith, a professional caregiver, offers a few ways to respond to the elderly’s loneliness. First, visit them and keep in touch. Listen and observe. Smile, even when it’s difficult.
Second, invite seniors to share some of their experience, wisdom, knowledge, and humor, especially with the young.
Third, be ready for the unexpected. Smith once walked with a grumpy, withdrawn 91-year-old man to lunch. Spontaneously, she began to sing “Let Me Call You Sweetheart.”
To her surprise, the angry man started singing and communicating with her for the first time. He revealed that he loved photography and singing.
Today, he joyfully sings for the community and also has joined a senior photographer’s club.
Research shows that unrecognized elderly adults experience cognitive decline at a much faster rate than seniors who are mentally stimulated by relationships with others.
What we can do
Finally, we can send cards, bring gifts or their favorite snack, or call them. Such simple loving gestures help seniors feel they aren’t throwaways.
Taking these steps to help elderly persons can help them live longer, but it can also make dying much easier. It also enriches the visitor.
Perhaps we know an elderly person who needs a friend. Are we willing to make or take time to be that friend? When we do, we give back to those who once gave so much to us and others.
If we are young, we can share God’s mercy by patiently listening to the elderly’s stories or offering them a hand in a way that says, “You are important to me.”
Grandparents can look to see which one of their children or grandchildren are waiting for their affirmation and words of wisdom.
If we are infirm or in need and feel that we have nothing to give, we can still offer our smiles, our thanks, or words of kindness to those who help us.
Visiting a friend who needs a friend knows no seasons. Winter, spring, summer, or fall, a visiting loyal friend is always welcome!