Q: In this new year I have decided to be more “present” for my parents.
By that, I mean I want to relieve any anxiety they may have about their advancing age.
I know about things like helping them physically with yard work or home repairs, but what are some things I need to know about in order to help them live their lives the way they wish?
I have heard about living wills and power of attorney, but I am not sure if they know about this or if they have these things prepared. Where do I begin? (From a son in Black Earth)
A: That is a great question. I only wish all elders had children as devoted as you.
The place to begin is with an honest and open conversation with your parents letting them know you are making yourself available to help them.
You need to know what your parents want for their future and what things they have in place to ensure their wishes will be honored.
At a minimum, they should have Power of Attorney for Health Care and Advance Directive documents. If it has been several years since these documents were created, look them over and make sure that all of the information included in the document is still correct and that their original decisions remain valid. If they do not have these documents, it is time to create them.
Ask your parents if they have any insurance policies such as long term care policies or life insurance.
It is a good idea to take them out and review them. Also be sure your parents and you understand what the benefits are and under what conditions the benefit would be paid.
I personally know someone who had long term care insurance and assumed this policy would cover the cost of nursing home placement.
When the elder needed to stay in a skilled facility, the policy did not pay anything toward the stay because his care was not considered skilled.
The lesson in this is to be certain all involved parties understand the conditions when a policy will begin to pay benefits.
Helping your parents through this time is no small task, but one that all of you will be forever grateful for. Thank you for helping them.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Madison Diocese Catholic Charities.